Self-Critic

Ah this topic once again… I have been told I’m my own worst critic for a long time, and it’s true. The difference now is I know more about this in order to combat it but at times today I am too hard on myself.

I’m currently waiting for my new DBS (criminal record check) to arrive so I can start my new job as a housing support worker, but it’s taking so long to come through I’m getting so bored and stressed out. I’ve felt irritable and generally in a low mood today thinking about it. I know I shouldn’t because in the end I did well to get the job in the first place. I remind myself of this fact because it is the main thing. I have a job to go to but in the meantime it is frustrating waiting. This is a prime example of me being too harsh on myself because professionally I’m not where I want to be, but then again how many people are at 23?

Another thing I’m guilty of is comparing myself to others which again is a negative move. I do this when I think of myself waiting to start this job. I think about my friends and their jobs and think they’re doing much better than me.  I resigned from my last job after being there just over a month because it was an incredibly tough job emotionally. I was a support worker in a mental/learning disabilities hospital. I hated it and couldn’t stick it for long. At the time I beat myself up over leaving but I know it was the right thing to do. This was in January so the last four months have been long and slow, so it wasn’t the best start to the year. However I also know it’s not the end of the world like I treated it at the time.

Being hard on myself is a difficult habit to break. For me personally, starting my new job will make me feel a lot better, like a weight being lifted off my shoulders. Having too much time on my hands is doing my head in!
One of my best friend’s Dads once said to me, “don’t worry about things so much, you’re young and haven’t said good morning to the world yet.” I always remember this and I think it’s an excellent piece of advice.

I expect too much of myself and I tend to want things to happen perfectly which I know is unrealistic and quite frankly impossible.

Robert Jones

Copyright MEN HEAL 2015

There’s always someone worse off than you!

When people use that phrase, they are really saying ‘Only the person who is currently the worst off in the world is allowed to be upset’.

This would mean out of the billions on Earth, only one person at any one time is allowed to be upset.

So if you had lost your entire family in an accident, but someone else had had that happen but had also lost their job, then you wouldn’t be allowed to be upset!

That’s how ridiculous that phrase is. It also creates great suffering.

Copyright MEN HEAL 2015

Running a Support Group – Are You Qualified?

Updates (26th May 2015): I initially mentioned the Citizens Advice Bureau when it was actually the food bank. Murray also gave further corrections; see his comment below.

A member of the group recently helped hand out A4 posters to advertise the group (Thanks Murray!). He handed out one to the local food bank. The lady asked ‘Are you qualified?’. Murray explained that he didn’t run the group, and that I did. He said that I did have counselling qualifications.

Being naturally analytical, I contemplated her question. What did she mean by ‘Are you qualified?’. Is she blindly asking in a society obsessed with qualifications (and not necessarily wisdom or experience) whether I had passed the exams required to run a support group? I’m hoping she was wise enough to be asking whether or not I had the right skills, although I doubt it.

Imagine she was asking  whether I had the right skills. What would these right skills be? Maybe:

• Compassion
• Empathy (hopefully via personal experience, and generally by having an empathic nature)
• Listening to people
• Intelligent enough to understand the subtleties of someone’s description of their situation
• Assertive when required (to stop a potentially controlling person damaging the dynamic)

Wow! Look at that! No formal qualifications in that list! To me a support group is a group of people who meet up and compassionately try their best, within their limitations, to support each other. Isn’t that more a human trait, and not a set of qualifications?

When did we get to the stage where to compassionately converse with other people we need a set of qualifications? It seems the capitalist nature of society has made certain natural human phenomenon into an exam that people have to pay for. You can even have lessons to learn how to walk properly now.

Do people really believe that before counselling, psychology and psychotherapy existed people didn’t emotionally support each other? Do you seriously believe that? To me this is a ridiculous conclusion. We have always supported each other emotionally. When people died in the past, surely people in the society comforted each other and supported each other? Surely people shared their troubles and other stories with each other. It seems that me have made empathy a skill that only fully trained professionals can administer.

Training Versus No Training

Some research once showed that professionals with absolutely no counselling training. and another group of highly trained counselling professionals (with lots of experience) were equally skilled at helping groups of clients. The results from this research were astonishing. The highly trained counsellors and therapists fared no better than the completely untrained people.

Counsellors and other helping professions will baulk at this, and say how dangerous it is for ordinary people to help people in distress, however we help people all the time. If someone’s partner dies we naturally support them. They probably don’t need to see a grief therapist. What happened to genuine human connection? Of course there might be times when people who have complex mental health issues need a professional, however we have got to the stage where basic human experiences and emotions have been pathologised. Once pathologised, we have persuaded people that only professionals can help them, friends apparently can’t. I have been on counselling courses where the tutor says friends can’t help you, only us therapists can! It sounds like a religious cult and not a balanced profession when someone makes comments like that. It sounds like a leader of a cult when they say ‘Only we can save your soul’… for £100 an hour.

I became disenfranchised with my counselling training when I saw some dreadful students and, the occasional terrible tutor, teaching and learning empathy. Some people went through the motions of learning empathy but just didn’t have the skill. I believe people either naturally have high levels of empathy or they don’t. You can’t learn it. You can learn a clunky bad version of it. Maybe a little investigation of what empathy is and some practise is useful, however to think that people can be trained to be empathic is ridiculous. Some people are naturally good at sports, art, maths or sport. I also believe that applies to natural skills like empathy or public speaking. Some people will just naturally have the skill and won’t need training, indeed training them could diminish their natural skill. I would even say that only people with natural empathy should become counsellors. If you don’t have it, then you shouldn’t become a counsellor. You haven’t got what it takes. I would surmise this is why the untrained versus the trained gave similar results, i.e. because the same percentage of natural empaths were in both groups. Training doesn’t change that, so made no difference to the measures of efficacy. Durlak (1979) states:

“In terms of measurable outcome, professionals may not possess demonstrably superior clinical skills when compared with paraprofessionals”

(Paraprofessionals here meaning untrained in counselling, psychology or psychotherapy)

It might sound like I’m anti-therapy, I’m really not. But I do think there are a lot of concerns surrounding the profession.

References

Durlak, Joseph A. (1979). Comparative effectiveness of paraprofessional and professional helpers. Psychological Bulletin. 86 (1), 80-92. [Available online: http://psycnet.apa.org/index.cfm?fa=buy.optionToBuy&id=1979-31736-001]

Your Inner-Self

Very often when people hear the saying, ‘look after number one’ they generally think it means being self-absorbed. In a way the statement could sound selfish to some people, however I believe there is more to this statement than meets the eye. Sometimes to truly find the meaning to something all we have to do is take a step back and really think about. I have learnt to do this by studying and having counselling and having this perspective gives yourself a new lease on life.

I believe that ‘looking after yourself’ is a very important responsibility. It is a responsibility that holds even more importance if you feel more anxious than the majority of people. I have found this out this year. Your inner-self consists of your inner thoughts, values and most importantly what you want. Ask yourself ‘What do I want right now and how can I make the required changes?’ I never used to focus on my inner-self because I was too wrapped up in what other people thought of me. I would feel conflicted about my opinions if anyone disagreed with me for example. I would allow myself to drift with others even if it went away from what I felt comfortable with. However I now realise this should never happen. I have asked myself out loud what I want and by doing so I have built up the courage to achieve this.

I know I’m in the midst of a major, transition; one that has took a long time to get rolling. A few years ago I would try so hard to make a good impression on someone. I would unrealistically think to myself, I want this person to like me but I’ll put on an act and try and entertain that person into liking me. I don’t have to do that any more because I have taken that step back to assess what I want and need right now. It is one of the best feelings I have had in recent memory. I think we all should take time out to look after ourselves in this way. There is no harm in doing this. Who out there will say to you “no, you can’t do this?!” Exactly no one!

This also spills into my previous article about men feeling like they need to be the ‘man’ and appear strong. Tell me who is this so called ‘man’ that we are told to be? What does this man look and behave like, where has this mythic description come from? The truth is, it doesn’t exist. Being strong comes in many forms, especially through admitting you have flaws and weaknesses. I know I have but only by coming to grips and assessing these problematic thoughts can we find the solution.

When faced with a problematic response I have created false defence strategies. One I used to use quite often was denial. If I disagreed with a perfectly fair opinion of someone, especially if it made me feel slightly angry, I would kid myself by providing a false statement to deal with it. This again was because I didn’t know how to deal with it or express myself. I realise now that I should let this tension go. It’s ok to have a differing opinion about something even if it makes you sound controversial.

Like I said before it’s about listening to what you feel, not ignoring it. I’ve had quite a lot of emotional stress this year relationship-wise but I know that in the end I need to have self-respect. In difficult social and emotional situations sometimes the hardest thing is the right thing to do and that will take self-respect and focusing on your inner-self.

I’d like to share some lyrics that I found motivating today. The song is called ‘Wildest Dreams’ by my all time favourite band, Iron Maiden. It’s a simple, up tempo song which carries a great message.

I’m going to organise some changes in my life, I’m going to exorcise the demons of my past, I’m going to take the car and hit the open road, I’m feeling ready to just open up and go.’

‘And I just feel like I can be anything that all I might ever wish to be and fantasize just what I want to be, make my wildest dreams come true.’

‘I’m on my way, out on my own again. I’m on my way; I’m going to break away.’

‘When I remember back to how things just used to be, and I was stuck inside a shroud of misery. I felt I disappeared so deep inside myself, I couldn’t find away to break away the hell.’

‘When I’m feeling down and low, I vow I’ll never be the same again. I just remember what I am, and visualise just want I’m going to be.’

‘I’m on my way, out on my own again. I’m on my way; I’m going to break away.’

Robert Jones

Copyright MEN HEAL 2015

Mindfulness, Ashrams, Trauma and Other Side-Effects

Response to my friend who sent me a great article on mindfulness and it’s possible side-effects. See there original email and linked article. They inspired this response. I agree with them:

My friend and me predicted McMindfulness a few years ago. Check out: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/3519289

Every new therapy (mindfulness was new to the west in most ways) is always seen as a panacea. Eventually people realise no one method is better than any other. Google Dodo Bird Verdict for more on this. This applies to CBT, and historically to almost all new therapeutic modalities.

Yoga was the same. When it went mainstream loads of cowboys who had attended a weekend workshop were teaching it in gyms. I met people on my one year mindfulness course who were teaching it, who really shouldn’t have been doing so.

I’ve also had a lot of people on Twitter tell me how mindfulness is bad. When I enquire further someone has taught them something that isn’t mindfulness!

When I taught beginners meditation I always warned my students about side effects. I’m the only meditation teacher I’ve ever known to be aware of that!

I had a lot of trauma rise on a weekend mindfulness workshop once and the teacher didn’t help. I got no support. It’s shocking.

I’m reminded of a story my friend (who attended a Mind Life Institute conference where they did mindful walking. There were a few Lamas there who have practised almost every waking hour of their lives. The didn’t understand the mindful walking we learn on mindfulness courses in the West. He didn’t understand the jerky, slow, controlled walking. Real mindful walking is just ordinary walking but with gentle awareness. It’s that simple.

I also attended a mindfulness conference last year. Everyone there allegedly practised mindfulness and a lot taught it. Everyone was chatting waiting for the talk to start. The lady went to the front waiting to speak and people mindlessly kept talking. I noticed straight away and focused my attention on her. It was embarrassing. When I visited an ashram years ago the Swami told people to forget high level spiritual attainment for now, that’s all ego. He said we can start on remembering to switch off lights we aren’t using. He spoke of down to earth / day to day mindfulness. I call it ‘buying bog rolls in Tesco’ mindfulness. It isn’t all about sequined cushions, incense and wearing robes, it’s about the absolute basics.

Anyway I have a lot of mixed thoughts on the mindfulness in the West. There is some good stuff out there. The Mindfulness Association is good, accept their lack of awareness of side-effects. But then no-one else I know admits it. It is another reason why I say we should all be careful not to fall in love with our favoured treatments or cooing strategies.

I had a passionate love affair with mindfulness and then woke up to a more reasoned understanding, including side-effects and limitations. I also realise it doesn’t work for everyone. If only most CBT practitioners were mature in this way!

Keep the dialogue going. Your friend is on the right wavelength. Feel free to forward this email.

Note a silent retreat at an ashram once triggered a high release of highly traumatic emotions in me. It was millions of times more painful than the death of a loved one or any physical pain like severe toothache. I used to use the word Auschwitz to describe those days it happened because it was off the scale suffering. The ashram weren’t supportive. A couple of years later I felt angry about this and told them about it. I said they were negligent and they could seriously harm people. I said other people could take legal action. They changed their policy after that! And ask people about previous mental health issues and they don’t push people’s spiritual progress too far too soon.

Take care 
Mike

From: (removed)
Date: Thu, May 21, 2015
Subject: Mindfulness – not without thinking first

Really good article here discusses the possible over-application, and certain dumbing down of the [noble] Buddhist practice of meditation, to offer a supposed drug free ‘harmless’ alternative to drug therapies.   It’s a short piece in the guardian, very readable and a good one to mull over with a coffee.

 

http://www.theguardian.com/science/brain-flapping/2015/may/21/mindfulness-drug-free-side-effects?CMP=share_btn_tw

Turning Point

One thing I hear quite often when it comes to anxiety and depression with men is the stigma attached to suffering from this. A lot of guys believe they are weak in admitting they have these issues and this somehow makes them appear inferior. Now when I was in my teens I used to worry over this. I would be very tight and wouldn’t express exactly what I was feeling even if I wanted to. I’m 23 now and I’m much better than I was mainly due to the fact I’m much more aware of being anxious and the effect it has on me.

Let me tell you something now, if you suffer from anxiety or depression no matter how severe it may be you are NOT weak! It is hard to realise this at first but from my experience I can tell you this is the truth. Very often we build issues up in our mind and the thought of happiness is placed high on a pedestal. I have done this for a few years and it’s only been this year where I decided to make major changes in my life.

There is nothing wrong with admitting your weakness because by doing so you are making a strong move. All you are doing is being honest with yourself and honesty is a quality every person will admire and respect. I myself am very open about issues I have and I’m perfectly happy to discuss this with anyone. I have nothing to hide anymore. By being honest about your weakness makes you come across as authentic which will help you connect with another person that much more. It’s about stripping away the ‘fat’ and being real.

I myself have recently joined MEN HEAL and it has been like a revelation. I have never been pushed as much as I have this year to make changes in order to live a fulfilling life, something I haven’t felt I have done since returning home from Derby University almost two years ago. My first meeting with the group was yesterday and I had a hell of a time. I left feeling very happy and confident because I knew this group stood for something positive and true. I would very much recommend it to others out there which may be in the same boat. After all, every long journey starts with a small step.

The other morning I came across a very interesting article which I think explains why people feel weak about exploring any issues. I think the main reason for this is that we focus too much on the negatives and what could go wrong. I’ll paraphrase the article now.

‘Thoughts of fear, anxiety, self doubt, criticism, judgement, anger and worthlessness does not focus on what we want. Instead they are directed at what we don’t want and this sometimes can be the only thing we see. If this happens we can be left blind in choosing the right steps to avoid this.’

‘The secret to any type of success is to focus on what we want. By doing so we are more in sync with new possibilities and we generate more ideas than normal. It doesn’t matter on how long it may take or the temporary obstacles in the way. Everyone can overcome it in their own time if they say this is what I want to happen.’

This is exactly what I have done recently. Was it easy? The answer is no, it rarely is but that’s the point. I was out of my comfort zone on the way to the group yesterday but I still went. That’s why the experience was so rewarding. I have never had as much clarity as I do right now. Will I feel anxiety again? Yes probably but that’s ok because I know what changes I want to make.

That’s the advice I would like to leave you with today because I feel I have reached a turning point and I know I’m on the cusp of a major transition. Please feel like you can talk to people and seek help. Ironically I have found that it’s people you don’t know very well which influence you more to make a positive change than your own family. There are a lot of kind people out there, I should know I met four yesterday at the group.

Robert Jones.

Copyright MEN HEAL 2015.

Car Parking Attendant Saves My Life (Psychiatrist Doesn’t)

Approximately 12 years ago (2003) I had suicidal thoughts and huge amounts of emotional trauma which made me feel very unstable. I felt suicidal and needed support.

The Samaritans had helped before, however this time my problems seemed even beyond their capabilities. A telephone call would not be enough this time. I felt I needed some kind of intervention.

I tried to think of options. Where could I get support? I realised I needed to go to Accident & Emergency at the local hospital (Addenbrookes in Cambridge). This was an emergency because I was in a life threatening situation. In short my life was at risk. I hate wasting the time of medical staff, so I didn’t take this decision lightly. It really felt like my only option at that time.

So I headed down (it was 2am or some time like that). When I got there the nurse on reception asked what was wrong with me. I said that I was feeling extremely high levels of emotional trauma and distress, and that I felt highly destabilised. I felt suicidal. She said that there was no-one on duty who could help me. I was perplexed, my mind was reeling. I was begging for support. She begrudgingly asked me to sit down and wait. I waited four hours. All the people, even those with minor physical injuries, got seen before me. I was a low priority according to their triage system.

[As I write this I can feel a lot of anger arise. I could have died due to their medical negligence. I should sue the bastards and get compensation. Ignorant scum!]

They eventually managed to get a psychiatrist to come in (they didn’t have any on duty or on call!). He had a small teddy bear shoved in his pocket. I initially assumed he’d therefore be caring and compassionate. What a cognitive error that was! He asked how I was feeling. He kept saying ‘You seem fine to me’. He said this over and over. I said I felt suicidal. He kept saying I seemed fine. He asked me what I wanted him to do. I told him that he was the expert, and that I needed help. He then said that he wasn’t sure how he could help me. Wow!

Eventually I was fobbed off. I received zero support, and indeed felt even more deflated and desperate after the traumatic wait with zero empathy. I started walking back to my car that was in the multi-storey car park on the hospital grounds. It was almost 6am by now, and it was starting to get a bit lighter. I went to try and pay for my ticket in the ticket machine. I was a bit confused. A parking attendant, a guy in his late fifties or early sixties or so, asked if I was ok. I said that I was feeling mentally unwell. He started talking with me. He gave off such kindness. He just listened to me and gave me time. Amazingly after 30 minutes I was feeling far more stable. His compassion had eased my suffering and my panic. He reinstated my faith in humanity.

So to conclude, a whole hospital of medical staff were not only useless, and medically negligent but also cruel and heartless. All their training meant nothing. Instead a kind stranger with zero training, and a kind heart, who was unpaid to help mental health patients, helped me.

Sometimes I still get angry with the NHS when it comes to their continued medical negligence not only with my mental health but also the medical negligence I have seen with a lot of other friend’s mental health.

Have you had similar experiences? Please leave comments below.

Update: Check out a positive experience of A&E and mental health in 2015 (12 years later).

Copyright MEN HEAL 2015.

If you are ever feeling distressed or suicidal try finding a helpline number here: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

Although I said in this article that I didn’t feel The Samaritans (UK suicide helpline) couldn’t help me that time, every other time they have really helped me. So please try calling a helpline or visit http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

Selfish Anxiety

I don’t consider myself to have a mental health condition as such but I have always been quite anxious deep down.  My anxiety doesn’t control my life but it does make certain everyday situations more uncomfortable than they should be. Like in the series Dexter, he states he has a ‘dark passenger’, my anxiety could be described as my back seat driver that wants to call the shots.

I’ve noticed certain social situations bring the feeling on more than others. I sense the anxiousness is coming then it arrives. This then makes me feel frustrated and eventually annoyed with myself for feeling like this. It’s like a vicious circle. Clubbing for example is a big one. I went to Derby University which was the best three years of my life to date, however being exposed to that environment of partying made me feel very uncomfortable. I would be left paralysed in fear whilst everyone else in the building was dancing, drinking have having fun. I remember thinking I should be doing that. When I felt the most anxious I would shut down completely and think and think until my head felt tired.

I’ve been home nearly two years now and I’ve grown since then. I am much more aware of it and I can deal with it better. I’m currently having counselling for it which has made me feel better so far. I hope to use techniques such as CBT and mindfulness to combat negative thoughts that intrude on my life.

What annoys me at times is when people who don’t understand say things like, “cheer up you miserable sod or chill out” etc. Do you think I would if I could?! They don’t understand unless you sit them down and delve into it for an age which is not always what you want to do. I recently had this when I went camping with friends at Carmarthen. It stuck with me for a while and I had a whole lot of negativity that sunk into me. It was an awful feeling which led me to over analyse things in general and over analyse myself. It didn’t last long, when I wake up the following morning it’s gone naturally until it happens again.

Very often we find comfort reading certain lyrics of songs we like that hold unique meanings for ourselves. I’m a diehard fan of metal music and have listened to a lot of Metallica lately. One song by the band that describes anxiety and self doubt is ‘The Unnamed Feeling’ off their 2003 album ‘St Anger.’  The chorus definitely makes me feel connected;

“Then the unnamed feeling, it comes alive, then the unnamed feeling treats me this way, then I wait for this train, toes over the line, then the unnamed feeling takes me away.”

For me this song feels very real because it has taken something that is very dark and expressed it in a positive manner.

I am really looking forward to joining this group to relate and help others who know what it’s like to feel frustrated because of our own feelings. I have decided to turn my issues around now because I have had a lot on this past year in terms of work and a current relationship. I have never been pushed by external factors as I have now. It’s really liberating to be able to express this to everyone and I hope to write and express myself further.

My sincere thanks for reading; I just wanted to give you an insight into my background and how generally anxiety makes me feel.

Robert Jones.

Copyright 2015.

Ride Don’t Hide brings hope for mental health sufferers

A bike ride campaign in Canada to help fight mental health stigma. Wonderful idea.

Depression: Through the Eyes of A Child

I’d like to welcome our first ever guest writer, Hayleigh Karr. I asked people on Twitter if they might be able to write articles on men’s mental health. I was looking for different perspectives on this topic. Hayleigh was the first one to get an article to me. Please read her article below regarding her father’s depression:

My father is a hardened man. His skin is as thick as leather from countless hours in the searing Australian sun and he has a layer of distrust and anger that is crack-free from countless broken hearts and disappointments. He has always been a hermit- only ever coming out from the comfort of his home for survival basics; work, food and cigarettes. He bought a house in the middle of nowhere and on the top of a floodplain that can never be built upon just so he wouldn’t have to see any neighbours. His dream is to retire and be left completely alone, aside from the occasional call from my sister and I.  It took me a long time to recognise his depression as he has a “don’t ask, don’t tell” rule that he absolutely lives by. I’ve watched him abuse drugs, alcohol, and prescription painkillers all my life. He finds comfort in silence and revels in being isolated. To the outside world he is charismatic and joyful- I’ve never met a person who doesn’t adore him.

When I was diagnosed with depression; however, I noticed that when I was on my lows, he matched them perfectly. He completely got it. He was the only one who understood when I cried because the idea of getting out of bed physically hurt me. I remember once when I was about six, he told my sister, who was ten at the time and battling the concept of sadness that there was a moment that he felt so sad he wanted to end it all, but that he stopped himself because of us. He told us that we were the only reason he tied himself to this earth. I was shocked because as a six-year-old the only time I had ever seen him upset was when I had done something naughty and needed a smack. I had never seen him cry or pout or show any level of unhappiness. I suppose that as a child you ignore social cues and little comments that would otherwise suggest a sinister mental health issue.

Underneath his layer of thickened skin and even thicker distrust, he has bone structures made of glass. So fragile and so weak, it’s a wonder they don’t break under the immense pressure of his mind. I’ve only ever seen those glass bones break twice. The first was when my cat died. They’d had her for longer than they’d had me. She was fifteen years old and he couldn’t make it to her last minutes because his boss wouldn’t let him go early from work. He cried, and then drank rum. The second time I was reading him a piece I wrote on my blog before living with him, and he cried. The next day he drank rum.  His way of dealing with emotions is by not dealing with them at all. He bottles things, and then explodes in a rage or walks off somewhere alone. It’s things like that which I ignored as a child, and now that I live through a fraction of his hurt I see the cracks develop and see that there’s pain underneath them.

When I was younger I saw my Dad as Superman. I couldn’t believe that anyone could ever be as tall as him, or as fast, smart or strong. He was the epitome of what a perfect man should be. Now that I’m older I see my Dad as Superman because he fights harder than any person I’ve ever met. He has issues which make his everyday life a struggle, it’s an uphill climb day in, day out; and he doesn’t always come out on top. I know he’s broken, hurt and vulnerable. I know he cares too much about things that will hurt him, but only because those are the things he loves and despite all his broken hearts and dreams he still believes in happiness. My Dad is superman because life has thrown every harmful thing his way and he knows that just getting out of bed on any given day will amount to a lot of hard work and pain, yet he does it because he’s kicking depression’s butt. My Dad has depression, but depression doesn’t have my Dad. Thank you kindly for reading,

Hayleigh Karr

6th May 2015