Power of Words: Writing As Therapy

Different people deal with managing stress or other feelings by writing down their thoughts and feelings. I myself keep a personal journal about what I feel and have done through each day. It’s nothing fancy, and I’ll write something whether I’ve had a busy day or a quiet one.

The main reason for this is that I find writing relaxing. It’s very similar to speaking with someone in the sense of expressing your thoughts. The obvious difference in writing is that the pages won’t respond with words! No advice is given back but you can keep it as a reflection that will remain written down unless you dispose it. It is a personal action and can be very healthy for you no matter how small your problem or issue is.

If I have felt in low mood or been anxious, jotting things down has made me feel a lot better. It makes my head feel lighter as if some irritating anchor has been removed. Last night I felt really anxious in a club in Cardiff. It was hot and rammed with people, all of which were having a blast. I found myself looking around all the time as if everyone was watching me. I found it very difficult to let go and dance. After all this is what the social setting is about right? Well I practiced mindfulness at the time and asked myself to look at the situation and evaluate what I felt. Again I felt really conscious of how I looked which I knew at the time was daft. I didn’t break out of it however, but my friends and I eventually left and as soon as we did I felt better as if nothing had happened. It’s a strange thing to happen to yourself.

Now as I write this, I feel piece of mind knowing I can express myself through the power of my words which don’t lie. I hope others who read this can relate and take something positive away. I believe we learn more about ourselves through self-reflective entries. We realise how we managed an event in our lives and what we took away. In my case, I realise I felt very uncomfortable in the club. It’s still a tough battle in these instances. I think I have a long way to go to conquer these illogical thoughts and fears. However I will continue to put myself back in similar situations like this because it is the only way I will see real progress being made.

If I didn’t write about this I wouldn’t have been as aware. Sometimes you need to take a step back and really think about your situation. That way it will get unravelled and become much simpler to dissect the obstacles.

Here’s to moving forward folks…

Robert Jones.

Message from Mike: Check out The Spotlight Effect. A cognitive bias where we feel we feel others are paying us lots of attention, when they probably aren’t. I myself have fallen for this many times. It’s a very normal occurrence.

Copyright MEN HEAL 2015

Turning Point

One thing I hear quite often when it comes to anxiety and depression with men is the stigma attached to suffering from this. A lot of guys believe they are weak in admitting they have these issues and this somehow makes them appear inferior. Now when I was in my teens I used to worry over this. I would be very tight and wouldn’t express exactly what I was feeling even if I wanted to. I’m 23 now and I’m much better than I was mainly due to the fact I’m much more aware of being anxious and the effect it has on me.

Let me tell you something now, if you suffer from anxiety or depression no matter how severe it may be you are NOT weak! It is hard to realise this at first but from my experience I can tell you this is the truth. Very often we build issues up in our mind and the thought of happiness is placed high on a pedestal. I have done this for a few years and it’s only been this year where I decided to make major changes in my life.

There is nothing wrong with admitting your weakness because by doing so you are making a strong move. All you are doing is being honest with yourself and honesty is a quality every person will admire and respect. I myself am very open about issues I have and I’m perfectly happy to discuss this with anyone. I have nothing to hide anymore. By being honest about your weakness makes you come across as authentic which will help you connect with another person that much more. It’s about stripping away the ‘fat’ and being real.

I myself have recently joined MEN HEAL and it has been like a revelation. I have never been pushed as much as I have this year to make changes in order to live a fulfilling life, something I haven’t felt I have done since returning home from Derby University almost two years ago. My first meeting with the group was yesterday and I had a hell of a time. I left feeling very happy and confident because I knew this group stood for something positive and true. I would very much recommend it to others out there which may be in the same boat. After all, every long journey starts with a small step.

The other morning I came across a very interesting article which I think explains why people feel weak about exploring any issues. I think the main reason for this is that we focus too much on the negatives and what could go wrong. I’ll paraphrase the article now.

‘Thoughts of fear, anxiety, self doubt, criticism, judgement, anger and worthlessness does not focus on what we want. Instead they are directed at what we don’t want and this sometimes can be the only thing we see. If this happens we can be left blind in choosing the right steps to avoid this.’

‘The secret to any type of success is to focus on what we want. By doing so we are more in sync with new possibilities and we generate more ideas than normal. It doesn’t matter on how long it may take or the temporary obstacles in the way. Everyone can overcome it in their own time if they say this is what I want to happen.’

This is exactly what I have done recently. Was it easy? The answer is no, it rarely is but that’s the point. I was out of my comfort zone on the way to the group yesterday but I still went. That’s why the experience was so rewarding. I have never had as much clarity as I do right now. Will I feel anxiety again? Yes probably but that’s ok because I know what changes I want to make.

That’s the advice I would like to leave you with today because I feel I have reached a turning point and I know I’m on the cusp of a major transition. Please feel like you can talk to people and seek help. Ironically I have found that it’s people you don’t know very well which influence you more to make a positive change than your own family. There are a lot of kind people out there, I should know I met four yesterday at the group.

Robert Jones.

Copyright MEN HEAL 2015.

Selfish Anxiety

I don’t consider myself to have a mental health condition as such but I have always been quite anxious deep down.  My anxiety doesn’t control my life but it does make certain everyday situations more uncomfortable than they should be. Like in the series Dexter, he states he has a ‘dark passenger’, my anxiety could be described as my back seat driver that wants to call the shots.

I’ve noticed certain social situations bring the feeling on more than others. I sense the anxiousness is coming then it arrives. This then makes me feel frustrated and eventually annoyed with myself for feeling like this. It’s like a vicious circle. Clubbing for example is a big one. I went to Derby University which was the best three years of my life to date, however being exposed to that environment of partying made me feel very uncomfortable. I would be left paralysed in fear whilst everyone else in the building was dancing, drinking have having fun. I remember thinking I should be doing that. When I felt the most anxious I would shut down completely and think and think until my head felt tired.

I’ve been home nearly two years now and I’ve grown since then. I am much more aware of it and I can deal with it better. I’m currently having counselling for it which has made me feel better so far. I hope to use techniques such as CBT and mindfulness to combat negative thoughts that intrude on my life.

What annoys me at times is when people who don’t understand say things like, “cheer up you miserable sod or chill out” etc. Do you think I would if I could?! They don’t understand unless you sit them down and delve into it for an age which is not always what you want to do. I recently had this when I went camping with friends at Carmarthen. It stuck with me for a while and I had a whole lot of negativity that sunk into me. It was an awful feeling which led me to over analyse things in general and over analyse myself. It didn’t last long, when I wake up the following morning it’s gone naturally until it happens again.

Very often we find comfort reading certain lyrics of songs we like that hold unique meanings for ourselves. I’m a diehard fan of metal music and have listened to a lot of Metallica lately. One song by the band that describes anxiety and self doubt is ‘The Unnamed Feeling’ off their 2003 album ‘St Anger.’  The chorus definitely makes me feel connected;

“Then the unnamed feeling, it comes alive, then the unnamed feeling treats me this way, then I wait for this train, toes over the line, then the unnamed feeling takes me away.”

For me this song feels very real because it has taken something that is very dark and expressed it in a positive manner.

I am really looking forward to joining this group to relate and help others who know what it’s like to feel frustrated because of our own feelings. I have decided to turn my issues around now because I have had a lot on this past year in terms of work and a current relationship. I have never been pushed by external factors as I have now. It’s really liberating to be able to express this to everyone and I hope to write and express myself further.

My sincere thanks for reading; I just wanted to give you an insight into my background and how generally anxiety makes me feel.

Robert Jones.

Copyright 2015.

Desensitisation of Violence and Suffering Due to Media (And How it Relates to Anxiety)

Anxiety of Being Attacked

Having had debilitating depression and anxiety for many years, as a matter of survival I had had to become more aware about what affected my mood.

A few years running up to 2004, I had had a huge anxiety about being attacked. For a couple of years I had even been training in martial arts due to my fear of being attacked. I was tall and had a shaved head, and so this might have surprised people at the time had I told them. However I was genuinely in fear when I ventured in to town or I was in a crowded place like a party. I thought anyone might pull a knife on me, or just attack me. It was a constant state of heightened anxiety which made me very tired and on edge.

What to Do?

I needed to get to the bottom of this fear. I eventually realised that my estimation of how dangerous any given situation was, was way off the mark. Where did this fear of being attacked come from. After quite a lot of exploration I realised that the media might have something to do with it. The media tends to show all the negative and dangerous happenings in the world, this can make one overestimate the dangers in the world. (Indeed most people are surprised that violence in the world has been going down for over a thousand years, Check out Stephen Pinker talking about this on TED: http://www.ted.com/talks/steven_pinker_on_the_myth_of_violence?language=en#)

One particular behaviour I was experimenting with back in 2004 was the avoidance of any form of media, including news on the television, newspapers, and I guess the internet (although I can’t remember how much I browsed the news online back then).

After a few months of avoiding the media; the world, or rather my place in it, seemed like a far less dangerous place.

Desensitisation to Violence and Suffering

Lessons learned from this self-imposed media blackout came to a head on 26th December 2004 (The day of the Tsnuami  when I visited my friend for Boxing Day celebrations. On this day I had spoke to noone else and had had no exposure to the media. I knocked on my friend’s door.

He made me a cup of tea, and said he was really worried about his friend in Thailand. I asked him why. He asked me if I had seen the news, and I explained I had not. He told me about the tsunami and how lots of people had been killed. I was shocked, it really hit me. There were two reasons for this:

1. I had become re-sensitised to distressing things (so hearing the news was more potent)
2. A friend telling me the news firsthand, with his own personal story attached, and not hearing the news from a reporter on television was more hard hitting

He switched on this television and it was all over the channels. It was devastating, and I felt shocked.

Related Research

Desensitization to media violence over a short period of time (go to research article)

This study investigated the desensitization to violence over a short period of time. Participants watched nine violent movie scenes and nine comedy scenes, and reported whether they enjoyed the violent or comedy scenes and whether they felt sympathetic toward the victim of violence.

Results:

As a result, viewers tended to feel less sympathetic toward the victims of violence and actually enjoy more the violence portrayed in the media.

Conclusions / Lessons Learned

• Try avoiding the media for a bit to see if it helps (obviously hard for people who work in the media)
• Don’t feel pressure to watch lots of news based on a desire to ‘know what’s going on in the world’.
• If you can’t change something or learn from it, is it truly worth knowing about?
• Being over-connected to tragedy via the media makes can make us care less or feel worse
• I’ve known friends feel really depressed about the world and humanity. When I show them the Stephen Pinker video that violence has gone down over a thousand years, they often show surprise and feel better
• We can learn really important news off friends, family and those we meet

 Copyright MEN HEAL 2015.

Treatment Resistant Mental Illness and Patronising Cheap Advice

Two or three weeks ago I had a major breakdown. Most people close to me have been supportive, which makes me feel very lucky.

One thing that has made me feel worse in my recovery is people giving patronising cheap advice to me about my mental health. My particular mental health has existed my whole life. I have studied intensely for 20 years in many many fields to try and help myself. I have studied these fields in depth:

• Personal growth
• Psychology
• Counselling
• Mindfulness / Meditation

I have also tried almost every alternative treatment, and tried pharmaceutical treatments too. These things have helped quite a bit, but I am far from cured.

My depression could be considered treatment resistant. Some people have had a mental health illness that didn’t need much effort to fix. Or maybe they tried for three years and mastered it. In THAT case your mental health isn’t that bad! I know that might be hard to read but mine and others like me have had our conditions for decades.

If you come out the other side of depression after a few years or months effort, or maybe medication completely cured you, then it is possible that you will now start thinking you are an expert. You might think that because YOUR mental health was cured, that you can now cure everyone elses. Please stop! This is a complete delusion! The parallel would be you managing to solve a simple mathematical equation, and believing that you can now solve ALL mathematical problems.

The human brain is said to be the most complex object in the known universe. Most people can’t even fix their mobile phone or computer, so why do they think they can fix a human brain!?

I am sick of people saying things to me like, ‘chin up old boy, you can do it’, or ‘Have you tried exercise? It sorted me out’.

Classic ‘advice’:

Have you tried ______? It worked for me!

• Yoga
• Exercise
• Medication
• Counselling
• CBT
• Mindfulness
• Acupuncture
• Hypnotherapy
• Raw food
• Gluten free / lactose free diet

The list goes on and on and on. If someone has spent 20 years studying the subject and putting what has been learned in to ACTION then please stop your cheap advice. I have been told by counsellors that my self-awareness is so good that I don’t need counselling (as that is most people’s problem in counselling. There awareness is poor). I have been told by a psychiatrist that I already know CBT and mindfulness so well, that I know it more than the short courses they went on, so it’s pointless teaching me it again (this wasn’t me fishing for compliments, or them trying to placate me, this was their honest and reasonable response).

There is also an American attitude that positivity can solve everything. This is also another cruel delusion. I am all for positivity, but please don’t start thinking it can solve ALL the world’s problems.

We all mean well though. We all want to help others. So we suggest things.

A mental health issue like depression or anxiety can have SO many causes. Some are simple to fix, and some aren’t. Some people might be depressed because they are in a stressful marriage. When they leave the marriage, their depression goes away. (They had easy to fix depression). Depression based on easy to change external circumstances, can’t really be considered depression in the truest sense. Serious depression is a disease where you feel awful even when life is going right.

Some people’s depression is down to a highly complex issue relating to their neurology (not just a chemical imbalance but a structural issue, or some other highly complex issue). In these circumstances ‘just exercising’ isn’t going to cut it. So be careful giving advice to people with treatment resistant or highly complex mental health issues.

I’m sure I have been guilty of this too. It is very hard to accept that someone can’t be helped. We need to start admitting that some people’s mental health issues are highly complex and easy fixes won’t exist. Some people will have their mental health issues for life. They will be able to manage it and not cure it. People in this boat will often feel worse based on people giving simple advice.

Giving simple advice on someone’s highly complex mental illness is like giving some advice who has brain cancer. You wouldn’t say ‘just exercise’, or ‘try yoga’. So please be more aware of those with highly complex mental health issues.

Copyright MEN HEAL 2015

Offering Donation-Based Mindfulness Training – One on One – 1 Hour Sessions

Hi Everyone!

I am now offering donation-based mindfulness training (1 hour sessions). Mindfulness has been proven to help with anxiety and depression. It compliments CBT and other forms of therapy very well.

Contact me here if you are interested: http://mindlifecoaching.co.uk/contact/

I’m currently based in Abergavenny, Monmouthshire.

Look forward to hearing from you

Mike

The Process – The Meat Grinder & The Pound of Flesh

Below is my friend’s story about what he has been going through in relation to getting help for his mental health. He has tried getting support for several years. Unfortunately his is the common story of the damage that can be done even in the process of trying to get the very help that is supposed to help you.

Although there are certainly some amazing counsellors, mental health nurses, psychiatrists and GPs out there, sadly my friend doesn’t feel that he has been supported in his particular journey.

He asked me to edit his article, however I felt that it is very important for something like this to be totally authentic and from the heart so I have left it exactly as he gave it, in it’s perfect form.

The Process., The Meat Grinder. & The Pound of Flesh. All the ingredients you need for despair with-in the arena of the Mental Health Entertainment Branch. (M.H.E.B). It’s has taken me most of the weekend to decipher & to redeem freedom of through & redemption of anxiety. I have still got the afterburner’s on to scribe this letter for dudes that might find themselves embroiled with-in the Meat Grinder, themselves?

It appears to me that we the mental ill are looked upon as collateral damage with-in the cloisters of the administrative echelons of government & quite simply we should be executed. Isn’t that the way they real think? They have derived the same maths as the motion picture (Fight Club). Were-in the insurance inspector was made privy to the reasoning of the manufacturer’s plight. They knew if they vehicle was rear-ended whist making a left hand turn with the indicator light flashing, it was lightly to ignite the petrol tank & blow the driver & all aboard to kingdom come. There reasoning was thus: Take the number of vehicles in the field, (A), And multiply it by the probable rate of failure, (B), then multiply the result by the average out-of-court settlement. Therefore if AxBxC = X….. If X is less than the cost of recall. You guess it, they leave the auto mobiles out there.

My aim was to observe my Bi-polar with a critical eye and to make changes with-in my Bi-polar & the Bi-clock. The other goal was not to talk about it any-more. But. Instead to pen it out – in a blog format. (A) To keep a journal. (B) To portray Bi-polar & to give an account so others night benefit from it.

That has been somewhat derailed. I have been Rogeredby the every fabric of support which should have been in place to help me in the first place, but. To the contrary has impeded me & has made me ill instead.
Once again I see light at the end of the prostheses tunnel of the (M.H.E.G). Feel like I have lost a limb. Though.

THE PROCESS. To deduce if you are eligible & have the stamp of approval to continue to be ill or the consent to be ill in the first place. ATOS. (The Bandits). The Assessment Team & the Pis de resistance The psychiatrist. These are the main principals in this show. The PROCESS. A procession of activity’s to promote anxiety with-in the mental health fraternity. You may not sign on every two-week’s? Matey. But. “We what your pound of flesh “. By God do they have it. (A three month anxiety package). Specially equipped with tools to get the most out of your mentally health. I already know I am Bi-polar. It’s like Christmas-time & everybody is pretending that father Christmas is coming to town, While trying hard to uphold the premise that he is for real.

The best thing to do, you would think? Would be to ignore the fact that the process of getting permission to be Bi-polar is draining the life force out of me. Your either Bi-poplar or you are not Bi-polar. knowing that you are indeed Bi-polar. But having the Bi-polar amplified with trying to proof your are Bi-polar can play tricks with your Bi-polarized mind. Until. Of course you have come out of the other end of the Meat grinder. Then you are just. Traumatized & Bi-polar.

Felt & feels like I have be in an old black & white, film. The one’s where you the viewer knows I am Bi-polar. You. Know your Bi-polar. But the (M.H.E.B) try’s to Drive you insane. But the more you protest & try & prove. The worse it looks for you.
There are two may-be three things which I might come away with from this episode. Namely I don’t give a rats ass any-more. I truly don’t, which. Is an amazing thing in it’s self.

It took me all weekend not so long back to pick out my Bi-polar from the effects ATOS has had on me, mentally. Once again. I knew I couldn’t attend. I had to call the doctor out for some Diazepam, which I decided not to take, after-all. But after I’d deciphered & made parallels between ATOS & Bi-polar THE PROCESS was at an end. Once again I can only see the effects THE PROCESS renders after I have exited the MEAT GRINDER.

The same thing with the appointment I had with the psychiatrist. I just can’t go. How many times have I got to say this. One more time for the cheap seats, then. However. This is not good enough for THE ROCESS. It just keeps marches on.
I tried to make it clear to the assessment Team, that I would encounter anxiety if I couldn’t be

evaluated at home. Even then. I would be banged up over it. It’s better to feel like freaking out within your own home than being terribly freaked out in public. They did say or hinted or let slip is closer to the mark that I could have an evaluation at home.

1. ATOS (Almost had a Drink). (Panic attack). (Doctor on Call). (High Anxiety). (Remedy 1)
2. Social services
3. Assessment Team (Assessment). (Almost had a Drink). (High Anxiety).
4. Psychiatrist (Almost had a Drink). (High Anxiety). (Remedy 2).
5. Case work

All that to deduce I have got Bi-polar & have been fucked over for countless years.

It seem the methods I have in place with regards to the alcohol difficulty’s I have had has stood the test of time. It got intense there for a minute or two I can assure you. They were of course related to Bi-polar. Once again I can only see the effects THE PROCESS renders after I have exited the MEAT GRINDER.

So where does this leave me? After having to make my own diagnosis after more years than I care to think of pertinently looking for a private psychiatrist
I can now see the gambit of emotions THE PROCESS has had upon me. That in itself is a big step forward as it will not be happening again.

All this has done for me is to take me out to sea & away from my goals of lessening the effects Bi- polar has over me. I am not going to be persecuted any more. I hope you like them apples. I can now go back to tending to my illness with my sobriety in tacked. With the full knowledge that I have survived & have just be fuxked over & had a pounding from the (M.H.E.B).

The Bi-polarized anonymous imaginary Guitarist.

Men’s Group in Bristol – Inspiring for Our Group

I thought this is a great example of a men’s group. I may even plan to visit them in order to share ideas and learn from them:

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2012/may/08/mens-group-depression-community-bristol